The Me-Time conundrum

And my husband is only half joking when he says I am open to life for the 2 day vacation, er, hospital stay, I get with a new baby. 

I don't recall my mother or grandmother ever leaving us with dad to spend 2 hours at the local Starbucks.  I do not remember aunts and mom going on that monthly 'night out' .  My siblings and I never were in childcare while mom met weekly with others like her at church.  These ladies - for lack of 'liberated husbands' and money - did not have me-time.  And yet none of them are as stressed as I am when it comes to raising children. 

Today's modern mommy is familiar with the term me-time: that glorious block of time without your children when you can pretend you have no worries or obligations.  Women are encouraged to "be a little selfish" and you will be refreshed when you return to your children.  I knew one stay at home mother who literally took the weekend off parenting her daughter; little girl was daddy's the whole weekend.

I do not believe that mom should be tied to her kids, scrubbing the floors, 24/7, orsheisabadmommy.  But several things have caused me to re-examine me-time.  The first is our church's mom's group.  We meet each week for an hour and a half where free childcare is available, as is coffee and discussion.  Because of the economy and the aging of children into school, there are maybe 3 moms who still attend on any one week.  I found myself panicking about this months ago.  This one hour and a half leaves me refreshed.  Saving the group became an obsession.  It kept me up at night... and during one of these nights I realized, whoa, something's not right with this panic.  Maybe its not me-time, maybe its me.

Another thing that got me thinking about this is preschool.  My eldest is 4 and happy as a clam at home with his brother to play with.  We do playdates but there will be far fewer next year as his friends begin preschool... you cannot imagine the odd and sometimes shocked looks we receive when we reply that Blake is not going to attend preschool.  I'm at home and he helps out and plays and is happy there.  Most recent studies indicate the best socialization is learned from parental role models.  My son has friends and is (shockingly) functional.  So why do so many people think children NEED preschool when they can stay at home?  The ratio of student to teacher is far better here:)  They are paying for someone else to play with their child and match them to other children; I think this assuages some of the guilt they feel from their conscience telling them they are farming their child out.  Oops, the last two sentences are not based on statistics.  But I have a sneaking suspicion that they are true.

The above two points have led me think harder about my me-time and admit that no, I do not always feel less stressed out when I focus on me.  This morning the neighbor girls came by to watch my eldest two while I did work for church.  So I did my work, surfed the net a little.  When the hour and a half was over, laundry piles were larger, dirty dishes seemed dirtier and the kids just wanted to hang on me even more.  By the end of the 3 hours I did have alone with them, I was like "get these kids away from me!!!!"  On a normal day, I might accomplish a load of laundry, sink of dishes and one email with the children merely hanging about - and not on - me.  And my day is on a more even keel.

I don't know.  We shouldn't have to work ourselves into the ground.  But motherhood is work. There's a reason vocation is only one letter different from vacation.  Maybe I need to put more into it so that I can enjoy it more?  Having less me-time might make me plan out ways to make that time more special/meaningful.  My mother's hour of adoration or my grandmother's work with the Daughter's of Isabella.  Driving to get groceries with my favorite Catholic speaker in the CD player.  I'm not sure I can go cold turkey on the weekly free childcare but I think my free time can be used better to serve my family and God.