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How would you respond? "You can't help who you love..."

This afternoon I was in a group of moms who gathered to say goodbye to a mutual acquaintence. The last time I saw her, our last conversation had ended awkwardly -- I thought she was being overly critical of her child's teacher, over what I thought (based on her circumspect description) was a simple personality clash. At the time I had encouraged her to talk to the teacher, then go to the VP if the situation didn't resolve itself. Then I changed the subject pointedly.

Turns out, another woman is now getting divorced because of the "personality clash." Her husband has been dating the teacher several months now. (Both parties are separated, but not divorced.)

When I expressed outrage, the entire group looked at me, puzzled. (Apparently the fact that the teacher and parent were separated from their spouses when the attraction bug bit, made their behavior not all that shocking.) As I continued to sputter, another women (a professing Christian) said to me, "Why should this bother you so much? You can't help who you fall in love with."

That did it.

"Oh, yes you can help it," I retorted. "If you're married, you'd BETTER help it. Love is a choice you make every day, a promise you keep every day. You can't always help who you're attracted to ... But if you're married, you have an obligation to control how and whether you act on those impulses."

I got up and left to cool off -- then came back and apologized to the woman who was actually going through the divorce. She smiled. "You don't have to apologize to me ... It's nice to see someone besides me get mad about this once in a while."

What would you have said?

Tags: divorce

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Comment by Marcia Lynch on August 11, 2009 at 7:06pm: It is refreshing to actually see someone have the courage to speak TRUTH on this topic!

Comment by Mary Brazeau on July 12, 2009 at 1:56pm: Good for you!

Comment by Angela Maria Guerrero Weinmuller on July 10, 2009 at 5:44pm: Bravo!!! You stood up for the sanctity of marriage in a society that no longer values or respects marriage!! It doesn't matter what any one else would have said, you spoke in truth and I for one applaud you. We live in a society that has become so desensitized to moral values and truths. Love is not an emotion!! It's a commitment. It's an eternal gift without expectation. Why bother with "for better or for worse" if you're not going to honor your commitment. I admire your passion and courage to speak and stand up for the truth!!!

Comment by Therese Royals on July 9, 2009 at 11:46pm: I think you said the right thing Heidi. The idea that love is something that happens rather than a decision you make is so wrong. People need to be told the truth and that was what you did. If I was the women who was going through the divorce, I would have been grateful too.