Anger management

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Comment by Atara on April 8, 2011 at 7:13am

Put them in their room DAILY for a specified play time. Turn on music, set out toys, etc.  My son has certain toys just for playtime.  Set a timer for 45 minutes then come back when it goes off.  They need time to play alone and you need the break. 

 

When they nap - you nap sometimes and try not to keep doing work (I tend to do that!!).  You need some time away from the kids so you can clear your head and evaluate what is working/not working.  Our kids develop so quickly at this age and what worked six months ago, probably isn't working now.  Get  a sitter or your husband and go to the coffee shop or something like that....a place where you can clear your head and start to think creatively.

 

 

Comment by Elisa on April 7, 2011 at 3:22pm

Interesting. This thread just popped up today at the F&F sidebar when I came here looking for some - any answers to dealing w/ my 2-yr old. These are all great ideas. I don't usually get angry, but I find it hard to discipline without being angry. I'm going to start a new thread on this.

Comment by Tima on October 10, 2010 at 12:26pm

Wow...I know this is an old thread...but I found today by sheer providence as this is an area that I am actively working on right now. I just wanted to thank you ladies for being an instrument in showing me that I am not alone in this challenge to overcome this weakness. I grew up in a house where yelling and having my parents show their frustration and anger was a normal occurrence. Trying to change the cycle is not easy, I have found that prayer, spiritual direction, frequent confession and actually creating a program of life around this has been a great help. My husband and my children also know that this an area I am working on, it's been a great practice of humility but it also makes it clear to them that this behaviour is not acceptable, something that was never made clear to me when I was growing up. Thanks again.

Comment by Lindsey on June 25, 2010 at 1:53pm

Susan, I don't have any profound advice for you, but I did want to say that you are not alone! This post is pretty old, so maybe you are better about this by now, but I know I am not. Our families look similar. I have a 2 yr old, 3 yr old and 4 yr old. And, boy do they try my patience most days! Our family dynamic is so different from most, so if you ever need to vent, I have great listening ears! :o) Most of my friends have one...maybe two kids and they are certainly not as close in age as mine.

I also wanted to say to Jessica-great advice! I really love these words of wisdom! Thanks for sharing!

Comment by Jessica Ianiro on April 21, 2010 at 11:49am

I had some beautiful advice recently from two separate Priests on two separate occasions.

The first told me to always discipline with a smile. I have definitely had to practice this technique, and I am no Pro at it, but I can see that I have been responding much more gently to my children since receiving this advice.

The second Priest told me, "Everything you do, do with Love. Children can tell when you're doing things with Love." That has really stuck with me, and helped during the trying moments. So often I just think that, because these Little People can't write or do math or pour themselves a cup of milk, that they are too simple to understand my feelings of anger or impatience, and that they will soon forget the hurtful way I have treated them. But it is expressly because of their simplicity and naivety that they can understand and feel Love (or lack of Love) even more. I am so grateful that I encountered this Priest who pointed this out.

As a very practical method, I try to make it a point to never raise my voice. I have just started doing this in the last year and have found that it truly prevents me from lashing out at them. I find it is very difficult to get as upset as I used to when I don't allow my voice to reach a certain volume. It’s like it has an auto-soothing effect on my temper or something. :)

I hope this can help some other mothers out there. I have definitely done a lot of soul-searching on this topic, and I know I have a long way to go, but it is so wonderful to look back and see improvements in my behavior!

Comment by Lucy Sheahan on February 14, 2010 at 10:56pm

That is a great idea Erika! That's one of the reasons I'm perservering in teaching my girls to crochet and sew. When your in the home with little ones, there is no where to go to "get away". Domestic arts are a great distraction and stress reliever. :)

Lucy
www.mysticalrosedesign.blogspot.com

Comment by Erika Marie on February 11, 2010 at 2:59pm

Knit it away! Or keep a pad of paper and pencil around or crayons and draw your emtions out! ;)

Comment by Jenny on January 27, 2010 at 1:17pm

For me, anger is almost always a desperate, panic response. "This is too much and I have to stop it now!" To address this I have to do 2 things.

The first requires building up a store of tools to handle different situations. My best tools came from the Child and the Family by Maria Montessori, out of print but easily available, and Transforming the Difficult child by Howard Glasser.

The second part requires me using my tools to stop whatever it is that is putting me over the edge. Things that put me over the top can be divided into 2 groups. One group is obvious misbehavior. Instead of panicking about causes and long term consequences, my energy needs to be directed toward simply stopping the problem. Analyzing is needs to happen at a later time. The second group is innocent, but annoying behavior. When I realizing that playing is making my blood boil, I try to step back and figure out why. Sometimes it is actually disruptive or destructive behavior masked as play. I've learned to draw the line when "play" disrupts the harmony of the home. Other times, I am actually overloaded by things that have nothing to do with my children. When this starts to happen, I have to ask myself what is stealing me away from my children (stealing peace and joy are just as valid as stealing time) and whether or not it is worth it. This might mean dropping an activity (or habit) or it might mean getting some extra help, even if it is just asking my husband to hold down the fort for an hour.

I am very familiar with the pain of feeling like your children deserve better than you are giving. I am not perfect, but I no longer feel like anger defines my relationship with my children and I hope the same for you.

Comment by Rebecca Lillis Bogantes on January 27, 2010 at 12:12am

I have been having this same battle myself. As a homeschooling mom, I found it creeping into school time also. Here I was, the dragon of the house, yelling about every little thing. And I kept thinking.. I'm not praying enough. Which is always true. And although increasing prayer helped a lot, I was still getting angry often and sometimes right after I finished praying. Then came the imeasurable guilt!
Just resently I started to get more of a handle of it. I remembered something a very good preist said on a retreat last year. "Don't take yourslef to seriously". All the little things that are out of place and imperfect do Not matter that much. My family is healthy and I want it to be happy too! We do a lot of fun things and have a good time, but I felt like the anger was lasting in their minds. I am a very happy person, I just need to share that more with my children. So that's what I'm doing.
My pateince is growing and we all having a lot more fun together. When I feel myself get angry, I wait and picture my children's scared faces. I ask Mother Mary to help me see the good and try to turn it into something pleasant. And we talk about any problems at hand. (It's a little challenging with the 2 year old, but my 5 year old really appreciates it).
I hope Mother Mary can help you not take things to seriously! God Bless you!

Comment by Susan DiParisi on January 25, 2010 at 12:55am

Thank you. I needed to hear all of your words. I will continue to do my best to contain my emotions of anger. God bless you and your beautiful families!

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