The Community for Catholic Moms

SOS- Mom in need of advice or resources!

Hi all! I have a problem and would love some help please. I have two boys, Gabriel - 3 (4 in mid-Sept.) and Daniel 1 (2 in Aug.) and Gabe is giving me a rather HARD time! I don't know if it's age related or if he needs some help, so I decided to ask you all before I take him in to seek the advice of our MD. Here's the stuff...
He is suddenly becoming aggressive towards his brother, hitting, pushing, kicking, pulling things from his hands. He is not always like this, only part of the time. Then when he has a tantrum it's a TOTAL meltdown of screaming, talking back, crying, and it tends to last about 10-15 min. Then he's of course tired and sits with me for a while. The reason I'm worried is that it seems to be slowly esclating. He's like the poem about the girl who had a little curl, (except he's a boy). When he is good he is exceptional, I mean really great! So, I pay a lot of attention to him during that time and have awarded him a few times with the "biggest helper of the day award" and that comes with some kind of special treat.
Here are three things that may be the "cause" - 1. We moved about 2 months ago, -2. I had spinal surgery about 3 months ago and -3. He has given up his naps.
So...If anyone out there has any advice for me or resources or opinions, I would LOVE to hear them! Thank you for taking the time to read this and God Bless!!

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Karen on July 6, 2009 at 4:32pm

I wouldn't be surprised if the move, your surgery and his giving up naps all have something to do with his behavior. A move is a big deal and a big stressor in anyone's life. We moved 2 years ago and my youngest was almost two at the time. Two weeks after we moved she started asking to go home (to the house we sold a month earlier). It really hit her hard. It wasn't until her new room was painted the color of the old bedroom and everything was finished in her room that I think she understood that we weren't going back to the old house, ever.
My younger dd gave up her naps when she was 2 1/2 because of scheduling issues with picking my older dd up from school. It was rough and she acted like a spoiled brat for several months. I'm certain it's because she was tired, but refusing to nap. She naps one or twice a week now, but she does it on her own. She'll go to her room to play and I'll find her sound asleep in her bed.

My mom had spinal surgery when I was 4 and I still remember how much that affected me. Once she had the surgery, she was never able to pick me up again. If your ds is in a situation where you can't pick him up anymore, but can pick up his baby brother, he may have some resentment.

Even at almost age 4 kids can still have some periods of time where they seem like they totally regress. My dd will be 4 in one week and the first couple weeks of Summer break were a nightmare. She kept freaking out over little things and acting like she was two. She was simply acting out because school was done for the year and her routine was turned upside down. In short, she felt out of control and was acting the part.

Permalink Reply by J. Christy Buckley on July 6, 2009 at 10:35pm

Hi Karen,
Thank you so much for your reply! I appreciate you telling me your experience with your little ones, it sure helps and makes me realize that mine are probably like so many others. Touching base with other moms like you is such a great resource.
I did have a short time of not being able to hold Gabe, he could only sit on my lap, but now I can and do carry him sometimes (often to bed). Now that I think about it, the surgery may have been a big deal to him. If you can remember your mom's surgery it must have been quite stressful. Gabe talks about, or touches the scar on my neck almost everyday, I let him touch it and tell him that I'm all better.
Thank you so very much for your time!
God Bless!

Permalink Reply by J. Christy Buckley on July 6, 2009 at 10:44pm

Hi Rosemary,
Thank you so much for your response and congratulations on your newest sweetheart! My boys also need order and a regular schedule, and now that he dosen't have a "snooze" I should structure that time so he knows what's going to happen. I would not have thought of that, we have quiet time, but he can do anything he wants as long as it's quiet.
I also put alot on Gabe to be perfect, I have just now noticed that, I'm trying to lay off and really choose my battles. And yes, Danny does cause a lot of the toy grabbing. I started to put him on "the stair" (kind of time out where Gabe goes) and he is starting to get it.
It funny you bring up allergies, my boys and I are Celiacs and I think we are getting a little cross contamination. I know that can bring up behavior issues even in myself.
You gave me much to think about and I very much appreciate your time!
Blessings!!

Permalink Reply by J. Christy Buckley on July 8, 2009 at 2:30pm

Hi Rosemary,
Sorry for the delay, the crazy internet service was down all day yesterday! Anyway, I'll be happy to post about celiac! I've been gluten free for a couple of years now so I have made mistakes enough to learn a lot!

Permalink Reply by elizabeth arendale on July 8, 2009 at 2:24pm

all of the advice has been very good so far- so i won't reiterate but just add.
my kids tend to get this way when they are bored. sometimes if i just put some play doh on the table with a fork and some cookie cutters the mood can dissipate greatly. just having some age appropriate toys can be a way to occupy his time and his attention, all the while he's getting acknowledgement from you that he's becoming a "big boy".

Permalink Reply by J. Christy Buckley on July 8, 2009 at 2:27pm

Thank you Elizabeth! Such a great idea! I think I have some arts & crafts stuff that he can play with when his brother is asleep.

Permalink Reply by ViolinMama on July 14, 2009 at 12:30am