Resources to help bereaved families

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Karen Murphy Corr on August 6, 2009 at 7:02pm

A mother I know from the children's Catholic school gave us a beautiful book a few weeks after we had the funeral for our stillborn son, George. She ordered it as a special item from a local bookstore and I've found it on Amazon.

The strange thing is that I've always used books to help my children learn about things and to prepare them for life's changes. But it hadn't occurred to me to look for a book to specifically help explain the stillbirth of their baby brother; I have pamphlets from the hospital that I've referenced but any books on grief I've come across have been about losing older family members. I'm so glad that Jeannie knew of this book and was so generous to gift it to us.

We were going to have a baby but we had an angel instead by Pat Schwiebert is a very touching children's book about grieving the loss of a baby. The text is poetic in its simple and beautiful description of waiting for a baby, enjoying experiencing mum's pregnancy, and then dealing with the baby's death and how everyone in the family feels. The illustrations by Taylor Bills are poignant and engaging. This book gently captures and explains the feelings of the mother, the father, and the little boy as they deal with the loss of this new member of their family. I read it at bedtime to our four children, and we all cried together as we read what we have been experiencing these last few weeks since George died during my labour. It was so comforting to all of us.

What I really appreciated is that the author acknowledges the very deep grief of this family. The text doesn't gloss over the reality of death or try to explain it away with empty platitudes. It makes grief normal and okay. And the ending is very real: The family is together, but sad. They're dealing with their grief. But they're not "getting over" the death of this baby. They're getting through their grief, together, and feeling sad about their loss.

The text of the last two pages lingers in my thoughts: "If this just happened to you, I'm sorry you got an angel instead of a baby. I think having a baby would have been more fun."

The boys and my wee girl had me read it three times that first night we got the book, and would have had me keep reading it, but it was past bedtime. I just know we'll read it many more times this summer. What a gift. Because mourning a loss isn't something you do in a set amount of time. Healing doesn't mean forgetting.

" target="_blank">

Permalink Reply by Karen Murphy Corr on August 6, 2009 at 7:32pm

http://busyhandsbc.blogspot.com/2009/06/childrens-book-about-stillb...

I can't get the link to the book on Amazon to work, but that's it above. There is also a second book as well for families who lose their first baby to help subsequent siblings understand titled, Someone Came Before You.

Permalink Reply by Diane on August 7, 2009 at 11:51am

This sounds like a beautiful book that I pray that I never need to give anyone. It sounds like it just might be the best that I have heard of for this situation. Back fourteen years ago, maybe it was just me , but there were no good options out there for my older children who were six and three at the time . Thank you for sharing .

Permalink Reply by Karen Murphy Corr on August 11, 2009 at 2:27pm

I just came across this blog space, called The Secret Garden, created by three grieving mothers as a quiet corner for mothers to support one another. They have online monthly meetings once a month (but I think they're in Australia so it's a question of when I guess - though I'm not sleeping much since our baby died so perhaps if it's night in North America that will be a good thing!).