Reducing milk in the bereaved mother

The hardest thing for me after losing our baby boy during my labour in May 2009 was coping with my milk coming in. I've already nursed four children and our toddler daughter had just weaned about a month and a half before our infant son was born into eternal life. My milk came in quickly and I was terribly engorged and distraught; just when I would have liked nothing better than to lie in my husband's arms and sob, my breasts were so hard and swollen I couldn't even hug him or our other children. Hugging people at baby George's visitation and funeral Mass was a mixed blessing because if they hugged too hard it hurt my chest.

I was confused by nurses in hospital, some of whom were adamant that I needed a tight bra or to bind my breasts. From everything I'd read in my years mothering, this wasn't advisable. Some visitors assumed I was injected with medication to dry up my milk, but this isn't done in Canada any more according to nurses, my midwives, and doctors because side effects include stroke and heart attack. No thank you to drugs as my way out then!

I was librarian of our La Leche League (a mother-to-mother breastfeeding support group) and immediately called my friend, a leader and lactation consultant, for her advice. I'd also worked part-time in an administrative capacity for Community Health, and one of the well baby nurses came to visit me in hospital on her own when she heard that I'd lost George. Their advice included:

* wear a loose fitting bra; your breasts need some support as they grow heavy with milk, but tight or binding material may damage sensitive breast tissue and could result in mastitis, a painful blocked duct
* drink only to thirst; drinking copious amounts of liquid will give your body more liquid with which to make more milk (but be careful not to dehydrate either)
* if you are very engorged and uncomfortable, express some milk - but only a little - in a hot shower or bath; expressing too much milk will of course make your body think it needs to keep producing more milk
* take ibuprofen every four hours with approval from your healthcare provider to reduce swelling and inflammation
* some people debate whether this works, while other women swear by it: get a cold cabbage and take two leaves to insert over each breast in a loose-fitting bra; the cold is soothing and helps alleviate discomfort

My midwives, three wonderful, wonderful women, told me to get Sage tea. Sage discourages milk production. Essentially, Sage is the natural opposite to the herb Fenugreek, which will increase milk production. My husband was unsuccessful trying to find Sage leaves in bulk spice aisles or Sage tea at nearby health stores. One of the midwives made it her mission to find me some and found a box of organic Sage Leaf by Flora. The company is based in Burnaby, BC and their number is 1-888-436-6697. I immediately brewed Sage tea and after one day of regularly sipping on Sage tea I felt some relief.

My midwives and my LLL friend and I considered trying to relactate my toddler, but had she nursed unsuccessfully it could have been more painful as my body would have made more milk thinking I did have a nursling.

Perhaps other bereaved mothers who have gone through this painful, horrible time after the loss of an infant or nursing toddler may have other suggestions.

A few weeks ago I met a woman who said I may have found pumping milk to donate to the human milk bank comforting. I truly hadn't thought of it and I would have considered that. I know that the application process in Canada can be arduous, but I could have pumped and frozen milk. I don't have much milk left now, two months since our baby George died.

After speaking with Bernadette, the lovely founder of Morning Light Ministry, she emailed me a file she created for helping mothers reduce milk supply. She writes of her own experience after giving birth to her stillborn daughter.

Our Lady of La Leche, pray for bereaved mothers.