Pregnancies following a stillbirth

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Diane on October 13, 2009 at 6:54pm

Amy Marie,
I'm so very sorry to hear of the loss of your daughter.
Following my daughter Caitlyn's stillbirth,my husband and I started trying to conceive as soon as we had clearence from my OBGYN. Though we did not conceive immediatly, as we had when trying for all of our other pregnancies, it didn't take long and I was pregnant and due one year and forty five days after Caitlyn's delivery. Due to things being so soon, I did have some minor complications and tons of worry. My son ended up being born prematurly a year and three days after what would have been his sister's first birthday .Being six weeks premature, we had a whole bunch of other issues which had me insane with worry for at least his first year. Looking back I wouldn't change a thing,however I would not recomend this either. It was mentally very very tough, though I had made up my mind that I wanted a baby in my arms ASAP and nobody was going to change my mind. I pray that however you decide, everything turns out wonderfully !

Permalink Reply by Karen Murphy Corr on October 13, 2009 at 8:08pm

Oh, Amy Marie. You've been in my thoughts and prayers since you posted here about your loss. I'm still coming to terms with the death of our son and so I feel much the way you do. I don't have any advice but I will pray for you and your healing. I'm going to be as interested in what others say as you are. *sad smile* My midwives advised we try to avoid pregnancy for at least six months to a year for me to be more emotionally strong to support another pregnancy (leaning toward the one year mark). This was back-to-back losses for us as in 2008 I had a miscarriage at 13 weeks. Then baby George stillborn May 19 at full-term, totally healthy. Lots of prayers for you and continued prayers for your family and baby Teresa. (((Hugs)))

Permalink Reply by Janet Brungardt on October 16, 2009 at 6:00pm

Amy Marie,

I am so very sorry about the loss of your precious little baby girl. After I had my miscarriage in January, I had an intense longing to get pregnant again right away. After a few weeks, this faded somewhat and I was a basket case. I knew I needed some time to heal emotionally before going through first trimester emotions again. Besides that, I was having a strange mucous pattern, as in fertile mucous every day for a few weeks and then a period. I had my first period 5 weeks after the miscarriage and I was glad we had waited because I wouldn't have known when conception was if one had occurred. Then we decided to wait 3 months before trying again and then I had some trouble conceiving when I had never had that problem before. It was difficult seeing all the pregnant women everywhere and the babies. And then to hear a woman complain about her pregnancy (which could have been me previously!) and wanting to tell her to be happy that she still had a baby. Anyway, we conceived in June(which wasn't all that long, really, it just seemed like it at the time) and that first couple months were really difficult. I was glad I was sick and worried if I wasn't.

Permalink Reply by Janet Brungardt on October 16, 2009 at 6:09pm

Okay, I guess I am wordy, but I know it helped me when other women talked about their experiences. As my due date for the miscarriage approached, I realized that I was going to be almost exactly as far along with the new baby(10 weeks) as I had been when I miscarried, on that due date. Talk about some serious anxiety. I am now 18 weeks along and things seem to be going well, but there is still some anxiety, whereas before I think I took my pregnancies for granted. I can only imagine how you must feel losing one at 6 months (I know losing a child is losing a child, but losing one after you have made it past that first trimester must be so much worse), but I can also imagine that it might take you longer to grieve your loss. Just my opinion, but it might be good to wait until after the due date. All that being said, it is also comforting to be pregnant again. I will pray for you. And don't forget to ask Teresa to pray for you.

Permalink Reply by Emma Stewart on March 24, 2010 at 9:47pm

Hi Amy,
I'm very sorry that you and your husband are having to go through this heart-breaking time of grief. Although every mother's experience is different, I too, understand the feelings you're having of wondering whether you're ready to fall pregnant again. I lost my son Hayden at full-term, perfectly healthy, just over 6 weeks ago. I'm so devastated but still long for a child in my arms. Coming so close and still not having my baby is really hard. I know that my husband and I will have more babies but it is so difficult to know when to take that step. As mothers, we will never stop missing or loving the children we have lost. I don't think it's fair to say that you have to feel 'ok' with what has happened before having another child because you will never be ok with it. However, I think that accepting what has happened, although not understanding it, and leaning on God, your family and friends for support as you continue growing your family, is really all you can do. And it seems like your husband is supporting you too which is so important.
Here is a quote I have found helpful in my grief.
"No matter how long we are on this earth, the more we have to realize that life finds us living every day with the unanswered and the unresolved. Faith helps us to live with the unanswered. Hope helps us to live with the unresolved. Trust helps us to accept...and go on with the work of living." Mark Connelly.

As you posted this in October last year, you may already be pregnant again. If you are, I pray all goes well. If you aren't, I still pray and hope that you and your husband will share the joy of a healthy baby soon.
Emma.

Permalink Reply by Elena LaVictoire on May 19, 2010 at 4:25pm

I had a stillbirth in 2002. My husband and I just decided to let nature take its course. We didn't try to get pregnant but we didn't try not to get pregnant either and in 2005 I gave birth to a healthy baby girl. She's not her brother, but she is her own little person and adds so much to our household and our lives! The timing of it was perfect, enough for me to get over the original waves of grief and concentrate on the new pregnancy. I was 46 when she was born. So my advice to you would be to just put it in God's hands and let Him handle it. God Bless You.

Permalink Reply by S J on July 7, 2010 at 6:13pm

I had a desperate desire to become pregnant immediately following my stillbirth at 6 months last August. I truly felt it was the only thing that could lessen the pain. In the subsequent months, I have had three miscarriages, which have significantly added to my grief.

My stillbirth pregnancy was conceived 2 weeks following my husband's vasectomy reversal, a miracle and blessing itself! My husband had a vasectomy 6 years prior, after our fourth son was born prematurely, with serious health issues which hospitalized him for years afterward. After much prayer and the working of grace, my husband is now open to more children of our own in addition to having gone through the process with me several months ago to adopt siblings (up to 3) from foster care. I must be patient to see if God has a plan for me involving more children.

I would encourage you to be grateful for your blessings and embrace your crosses. What you think you need may not be a part of God's design for your life. I used to have specific prayer intentions - for a pregnancy, for a healthy baby, to avoid miscarriage. I now mostly ask for the strength to do God's will. I struggle, I battle to strive for inner peace.

God Bless!

Permalink Reply by Amy Marie Seltzer, MEV on February 7, 2011 at 3:09pm

It has been nearly a year and a half since we lost our daughter.  This past (late) summer, I had significantly improved emotionally, and felt it would be okay to welcome another child.  It has been five months of properly timed marital relations, and I am still not pregnant.  Having already dealt with infertility in our early marriage, I am shaking my head and filled with disappointment.  I am hoping my stillbirth will not be the last childbirth memory I have.  With my past experiences, I am well aware that is all in God's hands - that He makes the decision to bless with new life in His timing.  Now I struggle to fight off the fear that I may never hold another little one while basking in the glory that is childbirth again.

Permalink Reply by S J on February 7, 2011 at 5:44pm

What patience is required!  I had a stillbirth 18 months ago, followed by 3 miscarriages, followed by a loss 6 weeks ago at 19 weeks.  I have four living children and like you long for more.  I also feel a sense of loss in that in nearly one year we have not had a match for adopting siblings from foster care.  After a loss, so many women describe the healing that accompanies a new life.  I can say that I have learned through not being given the gift of a healthy newborn, patience, cherishing the blessings before me today and I have now less of a need to be pregnant - before, I thought I couldn't live without my fertlility.  I had been so consumed by the desire to be pregnant, bearing children.  I now try to accept that pregnant or not, each day is how God perfectly intended it to be.  The hope for a child remains, but in a much more joy filled, God centered way!