To Homeschool or not to homeschool....

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Carol on July 19, 2010 at 4:08pm

Stephanie,

I saw your other posts on this subject too and wanted to give you some feed back. I know how frustrating it can be when you have tough decisions to make you and you just need encouragement/advice/prayers. I just want to encourage you...first, you just have to do the best you can to choose the path that works for your family. That being said, nothing you decide now has to be permanent. Public school doesn't have to be forever, nor does it have to be horrible. Homeschooling isn't necessarily easy for anyone (even those on those pretty blogs...I have learned that this year especially). Also, your kids are young still and if you "experiment" a little with say a homeschool approach and you don't think it is working, they really won't be much affected. They can catch up quickly. If you do decide to try homeschooling with all of them, you might want to look into a relaxed approach, focus on the three R's, and spend time building habits of getting along with each other.
Finally, don't worry too much about your own educational background...reading, writing, arithmetic basics and you can learn whatever else you need to with them. That is better in some ways because you can help them learn to love learning as you learn together! I find with homeschooling that I am not so much the "teacher" as I am a learning leader...I lead and we all learn.
I will say a prayer for you and your husband as you make this decision. God bless!

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Permalink Reply by Stephanie Martin on July 19, 2010 at 7:04pm

Thank you for responding Carol, and for your prayers also! It definitely is a difficult decision, so I need to think about it very carefully. I really appreciate your encouragement. It really helps!! God Bless! :)

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Permalink Reply by Mary Brazeau on July 20, 2010 at 8:19am

It would be a great idea to ask your mom what she might be willing to do to help you. Would she take a child for a special day with gramma once a week? Would she pay for music lessons? Would she stay for an hour a day so you can take a walk and clear your head?

Also remember there are some very affordable cd rom classes for kids, especially math. Sit one at the computer with ear phones while you sit with the others and rotate. And public school doesn't have to be that bad. My sister always sent the preschooler so she had time with the others. I have always sent mine to the high school with very positive results.

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Permalink Reply by Stephanie Martin on July 20, 2010 at 11:43am

Hi Mary,

Thank you for your response. :) Unfortunately, my mom doesn't live near us (about an hour away), and she is busy homeschooling. She also has temporary work, so it would be impossible for her to help out that way. I don't drive, so it makes things kind of hard.

I did buy a math book that came with a CD, so I'm curious to see how that goes. Math is not my best subject at all, so anything that would help my children is good.

I have so much to take into consideration and I appreciate everyone's ideas/suggestions! :) I was beginning to feel totally alone in the situation.

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Permalink Reply by Kristen H on July 22, 2010 at 3:18am

Deep breath, in and out. Pray. I had a friend who recently stopped homeschooling because it was so stressful and while she followed a program, and everything was getting done, no one in her family was happy. She was also worried about poor influences in public school but, when her daughter went found out that there can be another side to this story. Instead of her daughter being influenced by "bad things" her daughter was a light for other children. Many of us (myself included) have a bad habit of lumping things together, like all kids in public school are bad influences etc. Like Carol said, this may need to be a temporary thing. Things could always change.

As for your mother, you need to take her out of the equation in your decision making. This is your decision not hers and she is doing what works for her, it may not work for you. While her pressure on you may feel and actually be tremendous, I would stop discussing it with her if she is being unhelpful. If she brings it up, I would thank her but tell her you and your husband are discussing options and coming up with a plan. We have a notion that we need to please our parents but, quite frankly, sometimes what may please our parents is not feasible in reality. Since your mother is unable to offer you any kind of material help, she shouldn't really be part of your decision making process.

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Permalink Reply by Stephanie Martin on July 22, 2010 at 4:37pm

Thank you, Kristen. :) That all makes a lot of sense. I'm still trying to figure it all out, but I definitely realize I have to make the decision for myself. I'm sick right now with the stomach flu, so decision making has been put on hold for just a little bit lol.

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Permalink Reply by Grace Becker on August 2, 2010 at 1:00pm

Stephanie,

I would have to echo agreement with what others have said. Nothing is set in concrete. I have twelve children, all have gone to Catholic schools through high school. Seven have graduated from college, two currently have doctorates, and a third is starting his doctorate this month. We have dealt with ten universities to date. I bet anyone reading this would think that I am sold on traditional education. However, I have come to know some homeschooling families and their lifestyles, and if I had it to do all over again, I would take a serious look at homeschooling.(As an aside, have you talked to the priest about your financial situation, there may be some help in paying for school.)

It sounds like you may benefit from working on developing some structure in your family. That may have to begin with you. There are so many tools that can help you find the strength. Find websites with moms who will be supportive ie this one. A good friend of mine, Teri Miller, is a homeschooling mom of seven. In advising another mom in an online community I belong to she gave this advice about disciplining kids. "Yeah, boys can be wild & unpredictable & challenging. However - I am firmly convinced that it is quite possible to teach your young kids to sit & enjoy a restaurant dinner without causing a ruckus. At this point, our two most difficult kids to parent, out of the seven, are the boys, ages 4 & 5. So - please note that I said its possible to teach them...not that its easy!!! I read & re-read some key parenting books, and fiercely ignore what 'Parents' mag & our culture teaches about parenting. My number-one recommendation, that literally transformed our family life is the book "To Train Up a Child" by Michael & Debi Pearl. This is a hardcore book, so you've gotta eat the fish & spit out the bones. But the core concepts are pure Biblical truth, that will leave you going, "duh! I know that! why haven't we been doing that???" Sorta like the Dave Ramsey "Financial Peace" concepts - not rocket science - basic, common sense principles - but the application is brutally hard, and beautifully life changing."
Teri is the wife of Kevin Miller, who is the son of Dan Miller, author of "48 Days to the Work You Love", "No More Mondays", and lots more. She is awesome.

This is getting long, but has inspired me to create another post that I feel very strongly about. I hope that you will pray for guidance, and come to a thoughtful resolution to your situation. Have a wonderfully blessed day. Grace

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Permalink Reply by Stephanie Martin on August 11, 2010 at 6:34pm

Thank you for all of the wonderful advice, Grace. I have decided to stick with homeschooling after all. It seems overwhelming, but I know I can get through with God's help. By the way, I commend you on having 12 children! I have four and I feel like I'm slowly going crazy lol. Still, I think large families are wonderful. I get tired of the "I only want 2 children mentality" that's so popular these days. God bless you. :)

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Permalink Reply by Mary Bennett on August 11, 2010 at 10:59am

I'm reading your post, and I'm noticing that only two of your children have to be homeschooled right now. You probably have the 11 yo schedule down and working, so it's just the 7yo you have to figure out and for her, I would stick to the basics only.
For the little kids, I would have them on a shared "activity", and have it timed so they don't grow bored.
Why are things so stressful at home? Do you have unrealistic expectations for yourself, your housework? Or is it outside stresses? I would try to identify those, and deal with them one by one. In my experience, stresses build on one another until they are overwhelming.
My children aren't perfect, I want to make that perfectly clear. They still have fights and misunderstandings and personality problems. However, I see that they get along much better than sibling groups that go to school. I found that my oldest sons, got along great, until the oldest went to school. From then on, they were like two strnagers, even at home. But when they began to homeschool, they became friends again, and that has remained. They are both in their late 20's now.
Lastly, my daughter LOVES Hannah Montannah. Thank goodness, because I don't think I would have been able to deal with if she loved Brittney Spears. BUT we have seperated Hannah Montannah (vaguely acceptable) from Myley Cyrus (worse and worse as time goes on) We've talked about it, and she actually kind of "mourns" Myley, asking "Why does she have to do that?" That's been a long discussion.
I'm not sure that I have helped at all. I hope I have.
Sincerely,
MaryB
marynate.blogspot.com

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Permalink Reply by Stephanie Martin on August 11, 2010 at 6:43pm

Hi Mary...There's so many contributing factors to the stress in the home, I wouldn't even know where to begin lol. It's basically all my problem. I don't have a lot of patience and have a hard time controlling the kids. I need to look into the book Grace suggested. I'll be homeschooling our 11 and 7 yr. old. I bought workbooks for the other two, also. God bless you. :)

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Permalink Reply by Mary Brazeau on August 12, 2010 at 11:39am

I read a great book once-- Denise Schoelfield's Happily Organized Family. She had a fabulous idea: All week every time you get frustrated stop and ask why. Why is this brush so hard to find? Why does everyone more this here? Why don't I have help with x? Frustration is a sign of something needing to change. Maybe its not that you are impatient but that you need to change how things work.
1) They can't keep the toys picked up? Maybe they need fewer or an easier way to store them.
2) Dressers clogged? Maybe you need to do a few more loads and have fewer clothes.
3) Can't get kids to bed for the mess in the room? Maybe its better to have all toys, books and stuff in one place/room and all sleeping and clothes in another place/room.

She gave an example of Wednesday's being impossible to handle when she started taking a class. When she made herself ask why, she realized she hadn't given herself permission to change the day she did laundry for a whole week. Changing laundry day turned out to be easy.
For me it was constant trips to the store taking time out of the day. I asked why and realized I was feeding twice the people I once did-- how did I forget all those pregnancies? We added pantry shelves to the basement and did a big stock up the next time DH had overtime. Then once a month we would refill. Suddenly I could shop in my basement once a day- which kept the tiny kitchen neat. I didn't have to run out constantly-- messing up the babies nap or dinner time. I could take advantage of sales-- which helped with the budget.

You have to prioritize the emotionally needy girl without having her become the center of the universe. To do that you have to prioritze your sanity! Too many people take sanity for granted. We've had big issues with this the last few years and I would say that is far more important than the school choice-- but how you make the school choice can help with your emotional health.
Take it to Adoration.
(PS She did have a caveat-- no matter how much you decide to change make only one change at a time and master it. Then its easier to keep the family on board.)

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Permalink Reply by Jason Nicholas Corning on September 30, 2010 at 8:36pm

AS LONG AS IT IS A CATHOLIC EDUCATION!

Hello, I am 40 year old Roman Catholic male whose calling to be a priest and a missionary in Africa has failed. I am not superstitious, merely wise. In fact, at this point I remember nearly all of my dreams every morning when I wake up. I have regained control of MY dream world after years of, to be honest, struggle. After about 27 years of normal American Roman Catholic male blindness, I woke up and finally began to take my vows of Confirmation seriously. I finally began to practice what I preached (especially in terms of 'sex'). I also quit playing with myself and that's where the story gets sort of paranormal.

After nearly 20+ years of 0.00 nocturnal emissions (wet dreams), I began to literally fight off these vampire she-devils in my dreams who continued to try to make me ejaculate after I stopped all male sexual activity (in preparation for Seminary). Anyway, to make a long story short there are crystal clear indications of public school seduction in my dream (and perhaps spiritual) history. I have had re-runs (regurgitated dreams obviously from Northwestern University 1989-1993) and I can honestly tell you one thing, DO NOT SEND YOUR CHILDREN TO PUBLIC SCHOOL OR NON-CATHOLIC COLLEGE OR UNIVERSITY. It is pure sexual, yes SEXUAL seduction of the young. My calling to be a priest or a monk has been destroyed because of it (I am now a diagnosed Manic-Depressive, a 'loony') and the Church does not accept them anymore, especially for overseas missionary activity. Every single one of my Catholic friends who actually went to Catholic Universities are now very wealthy and happily married with children (some are even millionaires). Every single one of them...

Put bluntly, who would be in charge of your child during their sleep throughout 'public education' at the high school and college level? If you think that is a stupid or crazy question, I'd like you to reconsider what I experience every night on my 'medication'. My dream world is a never-ending chaotic load of absurd nonsense with an occasional female dream presence thrown in there to sexualize my very religious inner world (my calling to be a Priest came in Graduate School 1997). For the past 10 years, I have had to re-claim with violence (in dreams) my dreaming moments after they were obviously tampered with and controlled by non-Roman Catholic authorities during my public high school and University undergraduate years at Northwestern University (A SATANIC, excuse me, a Methodist University). I am now on welfare and being cared for by my parents and family. I cannot work because no one wants to talk (or listen to) highly religious people. Give your children the Roman Catholic right to succeed in today's increasingly demonic world. Home school them, public school is clearly Pagan and sexually immoral (my dream records prove it). While any Protestant or Government University does not care about you (the Catholic) at all, because as far as they are concerned, there's no such thing as Purgatory and there's no such thing as 'Dream worlds'. Except for their precious children, of course. My calling was destroyed by them (non-Roman Catholic 'spiritual' authorities) They (non-family or non-Catholic entities) have no right to your children's sleeping moments, unless they are students attending school during their waking moments. Be aware of this, please. May the LORD God bless you in the name of St. Judas Maccabaeus.

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