The Community for Catholic Moms
Childhood Fears
Hi there,
My 7 year old. soon to be 8 year old has developed a fear of sharks that has spread to a fear of water, or anything with sharp teeth i.e. Dinosaurs. At first we didn't address it, because it was not interfering with our everyday activities and we knew it was highly unlikely he'd ever be around a shark.
When his class covered sea creatures in science, it posed a problem for him and his classmates soon discovered his fear, which led to him being the brunt of some teasing. Recently it has become more of a problem for us as a family because he will not watch anything, as far as a movie, TV show, or even a commercial that involves water. Family movie nights have become a battle zone. We can easily resort to doing other things together as a family, much to our older son's dissappointment.
We try to be an active family especially in the summer, which involves activities near water, swimming, fishing, boating, etc., He wants nothing to do with any of these and will cry and shake with fear if we even attempt to force him.
HELP! How do you handle your children's fears? Do you have any suggestions for us? We've talked about how he should turn to prayer, calling on Christ and the saints, especially St. Michael. We've talked about the importance of conquering our fears and growing in the virtue of courage. I am not sure any of this is helping him.
I look forward to your suggestions.
God Bless and thank you in advance
Views: 20
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Kristin Detloff on -
Definitely a tough situation! I think one thing important would be to not push him too hard. Seems like fears tend to get stronger if they are made a big deal out of. I would hope it's something he would possibly grow out of.... How did the fear of sharks first start?
I mean even adults have irrational fears...I have a fear of heights, my mom has a fear of water, my dad hates small spaces. None of these typically are interfering with our daily lives, but could if we were in the right situation.
To me if he gets punished at all or reprimanded it could likely just solidify the fear even further. But as a parent I realize it's hard to not want to "solve" something that is affecting not only him, but the rest of the family. I think it's great that you are teaching him to call on his Faith for support. We do that with our boys as well although they don't have such dominant fears.
I'm not one to go overboard, but might it be worth talking to a child psychologist etc? I guess my concern as a parent would be knowing at what point this fear becomes more then something within the range of "normal". Typically with fears and anxiety the question as to weather further help needs to be sought out is "does the fear/anxiety/etc impede the individual from carrying out daily life".
I think my main concern would be to know if this is really just about sharks, or if it's something more that may seep into other areas of his life. I would want to know at what age a child should be able to start recognizing that a fear is irrational. That even if they are still afraid they know that it's dominantly their imagination that they are afraid of. Is he getting sucked into any sort of TV or Games or Movies etc that is making it hard for him to differentiate between reality and fiction? Just some thoughts. My oldest is only 4 years so I wish I had more personal experience with that age group but I don't quite yet.
The best thing you could do right in this moment is to pray for him. Pray to the Blessed Mother to guide him and give him peace.
I will keep him in my prayers tonight! I hope that something clicks for you soon and that if there is something to be done to help your son that it is a smooth discovery and healing!
Blessings!
Kristin
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Permalink Reply by Bethany Roth on -
How is your son doing? I hope things are resolved soon--for everyone's sakes. My kids are younger than your son, so I have no direct experience, but I did reflect on some recent fears of my son that involve the puma he saw on a Diego episode.
How long has this been going on? Is your son able to give specifics as to why he's afraid or what he's afraid might happen? Did he see something scary involving a shark (news, movie, etc.) or overhear someone talking about this?
Good luck and God bless!
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Permalink Reply by Tima on -
Thank you Kristin and Bethany for your input. You have given us something to ponder and to pray on. We have also discussed this situation with a friend who is a Catholic Paediatrician in Ohio and after hearing our concerns and spending some time with him she has advised that we should seek some professional help for him. She doesn't think it is a major problem but she gets the sense it may get worse if we don't get him help sooner rather than later. She recognized some signs of another issue we did not consider.
Please pray for us as we continue to come to terms with God's plan for us as we tread new territory in our parenting journey.
Thank you again for taking the time to respond to my post. If you like I can give you more details once we have a clearer picture as to what we may be dealing with.
In Christ,
Tima
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Permalink Reply by Kristin Detloff on
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So glad to hear you are moving forward in figuring out how to help him! Praying the professionals involved are insightful and that you are all able to work towards health smoothly and quickly!
As a mom of boys who will soon be your sons age I would love to hear more information once you get a clearer picture. Never know when I may find myself in a similar situation!
Blessings!
Kristin
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Permalink Reply by Mary Bennett on -
With my children's fears, we've just been able to avoid the whatever the "fear" is, and when the "fear" has appeared again, it's been such a long time, that it just wasn't an issue anymore.
My son once had a fear about reading his report infront of the class. We read the report over and over so he was used to the words. We prayed to the Holy Ghost that morning before the report had to be read. For the few days before the "report day", we talked about the celebratory dinner we were going to have "report night" to celebrate that we had gotten through that day.
BUT, we all have fears still. One child has a "fear" of sleeping in the dark, so there is a nightlight in the room. No big deal. I hate interstates. I use back roads. No big deal.
To be afraid of something, isn't a failure. You never know when something will "click" and the fear will evaporate. And if it doesn't, for the most part, what is the problem? Usually nothing.
MaryB
marynate.blogspot.com
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Permalink Reply by Jennifer O'Gorman Flippen on -
Hi - perhaps, on a physical level, he needs more vitamin B - a good rounded multivitamin. I know when I am dealing with emotional issues more vitamin B helps a lot. There are also natural sources of it. Also, Bach flower remedies are helpful too. You can find them at a wholisitc market store where they also sell homeopathic remedies. They were developed by a Christian. If you aren't into alternative remedies I understand - perhaps just try to get more vitamin B in his diet. OF course, talking and patience will also be invaluable. Good luck and God bless! If you wish to inquire from me further just ask. :)
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Permalink Reply by Tima on
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Thank you for your input. We're still not sure what underlying issues caused the fear, but it has now turned into a fascination. He is drawing picture of sharks all the time now. When we tried to get some help for other related and unrelated issues for our son, it turns out, most of the advice has been on how we should accept him the way he is, and help him find some coping mechanisms for stress, anger and fear. We're still a work in progress, but I really appreciate the feedback on this thread. You ladies are awesome. Thanks for your help and input.
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Permalink Reply by Jennifer O'Gorman Flippen on
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Iwould definitely go with a Catholic psychologist who is obedient to the Magisterium. That way you get away from faulty views of human nature and people who advocate immoral behavior. They do exist but you might have to search around and perhaps set up a session over the phone. But definitely be patient and don't look at it as a failing in your parenting ability. St. Terese of Lisieux suffered from psychological issues. It is just one of those things we have to struggle with in this fallen world. Good luck and God bless!
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Permalink Reply by Tima on
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Yes, absolutely. Here in Canada, Catholic phsychologists are few and far between, but God is good, and it turns out we already know someone. We are grateful, as she is not about placing labels on him, and one of her first inquiries was about our prayer life... thank you for reminding me about St. Therese of Lisieux.
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Permalink Reply by Jennifer O'Gorman Flippen on
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Oops - that was "holistic" - I knew it looked funny.
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Permalink Reply by Natasha Kerst on
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My husband is a Catholic psychologist and he says that exposure therapy is the only thing that is proven to work on phobias. If you can find someone who is a psychologist (not psychiatrist---they deal mainly with medications which won't help) that is experienced in working with children, that is your best bet.
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Permalink Reply by Kristin Detloff on
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If you're interested in finding a Catholic therapist I don't know much about the organization but this one is linked from the EWTN website.
http://www.catholictherapists.com/
I haven't checked with her, but I have a friend who was in need of a therapist she could trust and had a hard time finding someone local. She ended up with a wonderful therapist she found through EWTN and has been doing therapy over the phone for the last 6 months. Not ideal, but is working better then anyone local she had available to her. I'm not sure if this was who she found them through or not...I"ll update if I find out.
I definitely think this isn't something you want to "shame" him about but I have a hard time thinking that it's not something "more" that shouldn't just be accepted as you have been advised....I would worry that this could be the type of early symptoms of something bigger that you might kick yourself for missing or not fighting to heal if things don't just go away on their own. Hopefully you can find a practitioner you can really trust to guide you through this.
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