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Can't get anything done

Help! I may have spoiled my 16MO daughter. She has a really hard time if I try to cook or clean. She clings to my legs and cries desperately "Mama! Mama!" until I pick her up. Preparing breakfast and dinner is nearly impossible. I am a first time mom so I don't know what to do. the crying breaks my heart. She doesn't like her playpen or highchair. How can I get her to play on her own?

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Permalink Reply by Maria-Helena Uribe on June 21, 2009 at 12:19am
Maybe you could give her a pot and spoon to bang while in the kitchen or clothes to "fold" or a job to do. It has been a long time since I have had to deal with an only child of that age... my 5th child is 26 months old. My youngest has some developmental delays and sometimes does the same thing to me. I have 4 other kids who (at times) can help me out, but sometimes I have to let him cry. It's not easy to do but if you pick her up every time she engages in this behavior, you are teaching her that if she does this, you will pick her up. Be strong!! I know it's hard, but every mom goes through it.
Permalink Reply by LucyF on June 21, 2009 at 5:44pm
I have a 13 month old and she does the same thing often. What has helped me has been to give my daughter a cabinet that she can get into. I have some tupperware and big bowls for her to play with. It keeps her entertained for at least a little while.
Permalink Reply by Donna Blasdell on June 21, 2009 at 5:52pm
Being a first time mom is hard! I also recommend giving her a cabinet or even a box where you can put safe toys that only come out when you are cooking or cleaning. Try and make your live easier for the next few months. Maybe do more crockpot meals, lower your cleaning standards and just do basic maintenance. Your season right now is to take care of a little girl. Enjoy your time with her, she will out grow this this phase.
Permalink Reply by Milehimama on June 21, 2009 at 7:52pm
Have you tried to sit her on the counter with you while you prepare meals? A 16 month old can stir. Or fill up the sink and let her "help" wash a few dishes while you work. That way she is with you, but occupied.

My little ones also love to help clean - a spray bottle with water, a small broom and dustpan, and a wash rag has given them a purposeful activity and kept them from crying for mama while I try to get something done!

Toddlers are a full time job, so keep that in mind, too!
Permalink Reply by Lisa- Domestic Accident on June 22, 2009 at 12:55am
Oh, goodness, just thinking of that time with my first makes me cringe. It is so hard. A couple of things helped me immensely- scheduled naps. Knowing I had a 2 to 3 hour break every day at about the same time every day was life changing. Also, the crockpot became my friend. Dinners from this magical appliance are typical not gourmet, but left me available to deal with a cranky toddler.
Permalink Reply by Ann on June 22, 2009 at 9:06am
That's totally normal. I think it's better to just go with it if you can right now. Maybe it means that you order pizza more often or frozen meals or whatever. Sometimes if you just give them what they need, they can grow enough for the phase to pass. Of course, it is ok if you have to let her cry for a bit if you have to get something done, but go easy on yourself as to what the "have-tos" are right now in terms of housework. I also find that getting out to a park or even the yard can help. Hang in there!
Permalink Reply by Emma Kung on June 22, 2009 at 1:34pm
Thanks for all the advice. I will try setting her up with some things to play with just for kitchen. I think I have been a little lazy in using some of these techniques to help her play on her own.. Instead I am going for a quick fix of picking her up.
I want to get a Learning Tower for her to help at the counter, but have been waiting for a sale. Has anyone tried this? is it worth all the $$?
Unfortunately she is not a good napper. 30 minutes 1-2 times a day. The other problem is she sleeps on my bed-another quick fix I started!-so I am afraid to go too far since she could fall off. But I suppose how to transition her to a toddler bed is a whole other topic!
Permalink Reply by Ann on June 23, 2009 at 8:51am
Try to work on the sleeping first. If she's only 16 months old, that is probably not enough sleep for her, which could be contributing to her extreme clinginess. At that age, she needs one, good nap a day, right after lunch. She will probably sleep better in her own space. Does she still have a crib? If you don't, you could even try a Pack N Play in your room if that's the room she is used to. Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Weissbluth is an excellent book on sleep. Hang in there!
Permalink Reply by Milehimama on June 23, 2009 at 11:20am
The Learning Tower is too big for our space, but I bought one of these:
http://www.amazon.com/Cosco-11-302WBL-Two-Step-Steel-Stool/dp/B0000...

for about $15 at Target and it's used every day, even by my littles! It folds up flat and I store it in the little space between the wall and fridge when not in use.
Permalink Reply by Christine Hebert on June 22, 2009 at 4:26pm
Sounds like you will just have to let her cry. If you are in the same room and she is in no danger, she does not "need" you to pick her up. You are the mom and you must not let her be in charge of you. Break the habit of her monopolizing you now or things will only get worse as she gets older. (Think Angelica Pickles of Rugrats)
Permalink Reply by Dianne on June 22, 2009 at 11:40pm
I am going through this as well. My daughter is 23 months old and I think that I have spent most of my cooking holding onto her at the same time. She does have access to a cabinet and drawers and sometimes she plays with them, but a lot of times it just doesn't matter, she wants me to hold her. I might try to cook meals a little bit earlier, because she is an early evening napper (usually around 5 or so) and a lot of times that's when I'm trying to start cooking dinner. I'm hoping that might help a little bit! I guess I don't have any advice, I'm sorry, but do know that you're not alone in going through this! :-)
Permalink Reply by Lisa Ross on June 23, 2009 at 1:51am
This is a little contrary to the rest of the ideas suggested, but have you thought about using a carrier (like an Ergo) so that you can carry her on your back while you do some simple cleaning & cooking? It's not ideal but makes for a much happier baby & mommy when no one's screaming & you can get done what you need to.

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